Comparison is the thief of joy.
But how do you not compare yourself to the ex wife?
We live in a small town, and it is constantly thrown in my face.
When I meet his friends that he hasn’t seen in awhile and they ask how long we’ve been together as if I’m some new fling, that stings. (Longer than they were, but who’s keeping track… )
When I’m cleaning out an old box and come across some old pictures, it makes my stomach drop.
When I’m thinking of our future with things I’ve never experienced and I can’t help but think of how he’s already done it all, I can hardly keep the tears back.
But trust me (even though it is so hard to leave the past in the past in a blended family) the future is far better than anything yet.
Don’t compare your experiences together with his past experiences.
I can pretty much guarantee that he isn’t comparing, so why should you? What good is it going to do besides give you anxiety and steal your joy?
Embrace the moments for what they are, and enjoy them without comparisons.
Everything you experience is new anyway.
Even if he has done it before, he has never done it with you, and that makes it so much more special.
Every new experience you share together is new, exciting, and fresh and it is uniquely yours.
I guarantee that is how he is thinking of it, and you should too!
This is your life, live it in the present!
If that doesn’t help you, then just remember that you may not have been his firsts, but you get to be all of his lasts.
This is the most important of all, and it has helped me the most.
The fact that I didn’t get to be his first marriage, that he has already had a first dance and a first kiss, and he already has two kids that he got to watch learn to walk and speak.
This has nothing on the fact that I get to grow old with him. I get to hold his hand for the rest of our lives and kiss him whenever I want. We get to watch those two kids continue growing and learning, and maybe have an “ours baby” one day.
When all else fails, know that time does heal all wounds.
It may sound corny, but it’s true.
It may not be the answer you want to hear, but after all is said and done eventually it won’t matter who came first. It won’t matter what happened in the past. It will just matter if you’re happy in your moment. Just give your heartache some time to heal, and give your insecurities some time to go away.
So stepmama, don’t compare.
It isn’t worth it.
It will do nothing but cause you heartache.
Grab a bottle of wine.
Brush off the comments. Put the pictures back.
And be thankful for what you have.
Be thankful for your sweet little blended family and your sweet loving SO.
Stop pining for what you missed and start embracing what you have.
Love your family, love yourself, and live your happiest life.