Typically before I write I post I like to read articles on whatever I’m writing that add credibility to my ideas. However, when I was looking up information on the positive effects of one-on-one time for step-parents and step-children all I could find was article after article of “Boundaries Step Parents Shouldn’t Cross,” “Step-Parents Should Step Back,” and countless of the same type of articles encouraging a limited step-parent / step-child relationship. If you have been reading along with me for any amount of time, then you know that this is definitely not my style of step-parenting. I am all about going all in and fully embracing your stepmom role! I may not have a lot of online sources supporting my ideas surrounding the positive impact a good step-parent relationship can have for a child and their family, but I do have my personal experience from 4 years of being in a blended family.
In my experience I have found that nurturing the relationship between me and my stepkids has had nothing but positive outcomes.
Like I’ve said before, this connection between myself, Noah, and Farrah seemed to come fairly naturally. I came into their lives at such a young age that there was no resistance or power struggle. We all embraced each other pretty quickly. I do know that not every blended family gets that blessing. Some blended families have to work harder to build a solid foundation, but it is definitely worth the effort. A positive step-parent/step-kid relationship is necessary regardless of dynamic or difficulty in order to ensure a happy blended family. For your stepchildren to respect you, listen to you, and trust you, you’ll need to have a secure bond with them. It is important, however, not to rush or be too overbearing in your pursuit of a great step-parent and step-child relationship. Children in blended families can be hesitant to embrace a new parental figure in their lives, especially if they feel an obligation to their biological parent to feed that resistance. For most step-parent and step-child relationships it is best to let them lead. Pay attention to the pace they are setting and follow it. Sometimes all it takes is some genuine one-on-one time for them to realize that you aren’t this “evil stepmonster.” They may just need to get to know you on a personal level so they can stop demonizing you. Don’t force anything, but always encourage your interactions and be intentional with your attitude towards them.
I thoroughly believe that dedicated energy into this special relationship will benefit your blended family in so many ways.
It will be a solid foundation for your blended family.
It will develop trust and breed respect. (Which leads to stepkids listening to you!)
Ultimately it will lead to a smoother and happier blended family. (When they feel loved and appreciated they will let down their defenses.)
So I will let you know what I do to build that bond with Noah and Farrah.
I don’t know if I have told y’all this yet, but I LOVE planning things. I love to make lists and plan everything from dinner to to-do lists to the summer activities. I’ve got a list and plan for everything. Real life rarely follows my lead, but it never stops me from continuing my need for planning. I’ve posted about to importance of Dad+Kid time, and now I would like to share why I think Stepmom+Kid one-on-one time is important too! Upon planning some recent activities I thought y’all might benefit from some of these ideas.
I think that it is very important for kids to feel a special bond and connection with their step-parent. They should never have to question if the love is genuine or forced. However, unlike inherent parental love, this love is built. Sometimes it takes hard work to build a solid relationship between a step-parent and step-child. I am going to share a few bonding activities that are sure to help strengthen a bond between us stepmamas and our babes.
Take them to a painting class. – Our little town has just started some “mommy & me painting classes” that we are very excited to try soon! I also got some tiny canvases for us to paint at home together. Which I plan on using for refrigerator magnets once we’re done!
Have a spa day. – Whether you go to the salon and go full on mani-pedi, or you do face masks and hair treatments at home, I can guarantee your little will have a blast! My mother got us a girl nail day for Christmas. The three of us spent the morning getting our nails done, and Farrah felt like a princess! I know it meant so much to her. We also like to get the whole family involved in our little self-care time at home. Everyone grabs a face mask, and we all laugh at each other.
Bake some cookies together. – I don’t know about y’all, but our little ones absolutely LOVE to help out in the kitchen! They would help cook every meal if I would let them! (& I would let them, but I need my sanity. lol) So pick an easy cookie recipe and some cute cookie cutters and get in the kitchen!
Stepmama, no matter what you do, grab your littles and spend some one-on-one time together! Let them know how much you love them, and grow that bond stronger than ever!
Love your family, love yourself, and live your happiest life.
get your free downloadable list of step-parent + step-child play date ideas here!
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